i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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