I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
