Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
