Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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