Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
