Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
