No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize