i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
