I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
