I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
