He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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