that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
