Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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