Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize