Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
