Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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