I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
