Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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