maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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