I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
