Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
