I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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