Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
17 year olds will be the death of me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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