So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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