A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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