You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
