Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
