i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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