Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
