also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
