How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
