Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fuck appropriateness.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
