i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
