my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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