Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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