when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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