Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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