His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
