just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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