apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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