Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
