Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
