it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
