there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
