hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
