seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
