I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
