i used baking grease as lip gloss
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
