Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Randomize
