I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
