Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
