ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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