Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
