The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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