Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
