at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Boobs speak an international language.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize