Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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