ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's the barista slut.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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