just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
