but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
