Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
