if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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