Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize