Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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