my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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