I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
