My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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