I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
