i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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