I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
