i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
