Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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