Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
