Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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