we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
