he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize