Sponge bath it is.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
