she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
