i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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