I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
