eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
