Someone shit on the floor
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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